Adaptation - Learning to Let Go

This summer has been an exercise in adaptation but likely not how you think. In summers past, I have worked 70-80 hours a week as the general manager of Summerland Family Fun Park. Last year on top of managing the park, I also worked as a summer school teacher. Typically, I max out my summer by working every waking moment and making as much money as possible. This summer I have set a limit so I only work 40 hours a week. This leaves me with several days off per week in order for me to do homework and (*gasp*) have some free time. I have built this machine that is Summerland, I have trained all these employees and it is so fun to watch it all work! But this summer I am really putting my trust into what I have already done and letting them do their thing without me. So this summer is basically a trust exercise for me and letting go of some of my responsibilities. My employees are really stepping up in my absence and adapting to their new leadership roles. Overall, it is really hard for me to relinquish total control... but it has been such a positive change!

Introverts are cool and fun

I consider myself an 100% an introvert around adults. I get very overwhelmed by too much social interaction with my peers and relish quiet evenings at home by myself. I have really come to enjoy living by myself and don’t miss having a roommate at all. I sometimes can appear quiet or shy, but really, I like to rehearse my answers in my head before I share them with the large group, in order to ensure that the response I am giving is of quality and that I am able to clearly communicate my point. Often by the time I am ready to share the conversation has moved on. I often get annoyed when my time is wasted by people when they share things that are off topic, so I try really hard to make sure before I share something that it is relevant and will add to the discussion. 

In my classroom, I have several spaces where students can work alone instead of with a group. Because my classroom is assembled into pods I also have an individual desk, counters where students can stand and work.  I also allow students to spread out and have space in the hallway, inside my cupboards, or under my desk. Kids have a lot of freedom in my room to work in the way that they are the most comfortable. They can also wear headphones and listen to music during worktime which helps with the simulation of the middle school classroom. During small group discussions I often have students write their answers down before they share them in their groups to allow my introverts time to rehearse what they want to say. In the future, I want to work on increasing the amount of wait time when I ask student a question and I am waiting for a verbal answer during whole group discussions. Ellen brought this up at class the other day and I think it’s a great idea because I hear from the same set of students over and over again and this might allow for more of my students to answer.  

The Power of "Yet"

In my classroom, I stress the importance of growth mindset. We talk about how we don’t have all of the answers… yet. I allow all of my students to redo any assignments or tests because it doesn’t matter whether they learn the skills the first time or the 7^th time – what matters is that they learn.

I think this idea of growth mindset and the power of yet is harder to apply in my own personal life. I am a perfectionist that struggles when I screw up or don’t learn something the first time. However, preaching this mindset to my students has helped to start to change my own thinking. One of the biggest examples of how my mindset has changed is when it comes to dealing with my own mistakes. When I used to say or do something wrong I would circle on the mistake for a long time. There was no moving on – I would think and worry about it for weeks until finally, I would do something else wrong and begin the cycle over again. Recently, I was talking with a student who failed a math test and she was upset and in tears and we talked about how in the grand scheme of things… this one math test doesn’t really matter. It doesn’t dictate whether you are good person or not or whether you are going to college. It was that conversation that made me realize how petty I was being with my own mindset.

Ultimately, this is not something I am good at… yet. But I am working on it and will improve because I can do hard things.  

"I am Enough"

I chose this particular statement because it is something that I have to remind myself every day. It’s hard to talk about because it is a deeply personal thing to show someone how your brain works. My brain is always comparing myself to others, and highlighting my shortcomings.

Let me tell you about the teacher next door to me. She is the perfect language arts teacher. She is well read, well spoken, and makes relationships with kids like you wouldn’t believe. She is liked by everyone including students, teachers, and especially administration. She always seems to know what to say in a meeting or when I am having a bad day. She never seems to have a bad day or a bad lesson. She is outgoing and makes any task look easy.

While this might sound like a jealous rant, it really is just a collection of thoughts I have about her on a daily basis. I consider her my best friend and sometimes it is hard to be friends with someone who is so perfect. These thoughts come to me as an internal dialogue of my shortcomings. I look at her and wonder why I can’t have the skills she has. Logically, I know that all of these things are not true. Outside perceptions hardly ever match reality and I know better than to make assumptions. But my head tells me that she is perfect and I am not and if I could just be more like her then I would be better.

In order for me to survive all of these negative thoughts that I have on a daily basis about myself I have adopted the phrase “I am enough” as a mantra. I try to remind myself of that you can’t let the negative thoughts take over. I have a lot of students that struggle with body image issues or self-confidence and I share with them that I too struggle with these things. We have to control the dialogue inside of our heads and stop comparing ourselves with others because it is much easier to point out your own flaws than point out the flaws of others.

We are enough.